for brothers and sisters,
day-to-day life can be joyful, confusing, rewarding, and scary - sometimes, all at the same time!
The below resources give us insight into these emotions and provide tips for helping all our children feel seen, heard, and loved.
when extra support is needed
One mom grieves that her daughter can live a “traditional childhood” while her son cannot. Another expresses bittersweet gratitude that both of her children have a condition because they will “always have each other.” A third mom shares that her son didn’t know he had a brother because he was always in the hospital.
All sibling relationships are complex. But sometimes brothers and sisters need a unique type of support.
what to say
When a brother or sister is diagnosed with a serious medical condition, the family dynamic can shift. Siblings may feel scared or uncertain, and it can sometimes be hard for parents to give them the attention and reassurance they need.
This infographic from the Courageous Parents Network shares commonly expressed worries, concerns, and feelings from siblings of all ages, and ideas for how to respond.
100 ideas to let them know you care
The Sibling Support Project asked 50 adult brothers and sisters of people with special health care needs: “When you were younger, what did your parents, family members, and service providers do to make you feel special and let you know they cared?”
These siblings shared 100 ideas for how we can help our young children feel seen, heard, and loved on a daily basis.
interacting with those who “get it”
For years, the Sibling Support Project has helped local communities start Sibshops — lively peer support groups for school-age brothers and sisters of kids with disabilities and health concerns.
Sibshops are opportunities for brothers and sisters to play games; talk about the good and not-so-good parts of having a sibling with special health care needs; and interact with others who “get it.”
8 tips from the pros
Young brothers and sisters may need help understanding and processing their feelings. Here are 8 suggestions from pediatric social workers on how parents can help.
1. Invite siblings to come to appointments and introduce them to the care team.
2. Encourage siblings to share their feelings through drawing, painting, or telling stories.
3. Help siblings name feelings like anger, jealousy, guilt, or fear. Let them know that it’s okay to feel these emotions.
4. When siblings ask questions, answer with simple language in a way they can understand. Over time, this can also help them respond to questions they may get from friends.
5. Set limits that apply to all children in the family. Avoid the temptation to relax family rules.
6. Set aside personal time for each child. This can be a special activity, a special bedtime routine, or more.
7. Get siblings involved in their own activities. Give them something to look forward to that is uniquely theirs.
8. Inform siblings’ teachers of the situation at home. This can help them better understand how to care for siblings at school. It also gives them a heads up should a sibling ask a question or make a related comment at school.
These ideas are just a start. Ask your social worker or mental health professional how you can help all your kids feel seen, heard, and loved!
